A real update on our cot-to-toddler-bed transition, navigating sleep, co-sleeping, milestones and learning to trust what works for our family.
When I first wrote about our transition from cot to toddler bed, we were very much still figuring it out. I knew taking things slowly was what worked best for our son, but I think part of me still assumed that eventually we would reach a point where I could say, Okay, he sleeps in his bed now. We did it. Well, we’re not quite there, and I’m actually starting to realise that maybe there doesn’t need to be such a clear finish line.
His toddler bed is familiar now. He knows it’s his bed, he happily climbs into it and there are nights where he settles there without much fuss. Those little things might not sound like huge milestones, but compared to where we started, they feel like progress. There are still nights when it’s harder though, and when he’s sick, unsettled or just needing that little bit of extra comfort, he wants to come into our bed. Most of the time, we let him.
At first, I questioned whether we were making the transition harder by doing that. Was bringing him into our bed confusing him? Were we undoing the progress we had made? Should we be more consistent and insist that he stays in his own bed? There is so much information telling us what our children should be doing and when they should be doing it that sometimes it’s hard not to question yourself, even when something feels right for your own family.
There seems to be this unspoken pressure around where our children should be at certain milestones. Sleeping through the night, moving out of the cot, sleeping independently, moving into their own room — there always seems to be a next step we’re supposed to be working towards. And if your child isn’t quite there yet, it can be easy to wonder whether you’re doing something wrong or whether you should be doing more.
But just like our kids, we’re learning and adapting too. There isn’t a book that knows my son better than we do, and there isn’t one way of doing things that is going to work for every child or every family. It’s taken me a while, but I’m learning to block out some of that noise. Forget what the books say we should be doing, forget where someone else’s child is at and focus on what actually works for us.
Our experience hasn’t been a perfectly straight road. Some nights feel like a huge step forward and others remind me that he’s still little. Sickness can throw everything out, a difficult night can end with all three of us squeezed into our bed again, and then when he’s feeling better, we go back to encouraging his own bed. I don’t see those nights as undoing everything anymore. He hasn’t forgotten where his bed is or suddenly lost all the progress he’s made. Sometimes he simply needs us a little more.
And if I’m completely honest, there’s another reason I’m probably not in a rush to stop it. I actually love hearing those little footsteps making their way over to our bed, feeling a tiny tap beside me and hearing, “Mama, up,” while I’m half asleep. As much as we’re teaching him to sleep in his own bed and slowly encouraging that independence, he’s still my baby, and I think part of me isn’t quite ready for those moments to end either.
Is that a little selfish? Maybe. But I also know there will come a time when he won’t wander over looking for me in the middle of the night. He won’t need to climb into our bed when he’s sick or reach for me because being close to Mum makes him feel better. That time will come naturally, whether I’m ready for it or not, so I keep wondering why I need to be in such a hurry to bring it forward.
Of course I want him to become confident sleeping in his own bed, and we’ll continue encouraging him to do that. But I’m also allowing myself to enjoy this stage while we’re in it rather than constantly looking towards the next milestone. These years are already moving faster than I would like, and I don’t want to spend them worrying so much about what we should be doing that I forget to enjoy what is happening right in front of me.
It’s been a road, and I’m sure we still have a way to go, but one of the biggest things I’ve learnt through this transition has actually been to trust ourselves a little more. Our children are learning, but so are we. We’re figuring out what they need, adapting when things change and hopefully creating a childhood where they know they can always come to us when they need comfort. I know these are moments we’ll never get back, and one day I’ll probably wish I could hear those little footsteps coming towards me one more time.
So for now, when I hear, “Mama, up,” nothing else really matters. I reach over, pick him up and let him snuggle right next to me, because in that moment he needs his mum, and if I’m being honest, maybe I need that little cuddle just as much as he does. One day those little footsteps will stop coming into our room, but until then, I’m going to let myself enjoy them.
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