Her Honest Space

Returning to work after baby reshaped my identity in unexpected ways. A gentle, honest reflection on guilt, growth, balance, and learning to be more than one version of yourself as a working mum.

How Returning to Work Reshaped My Identity.

I thought going back to work would bring back a version of myself I had lost. Instead, it showed me I had changed more than I realised.

A little more routine. A little more structure. A little more me again.

But instead, returning to work reshaped me in ways I didn’t expect.

Just as I was starting to understand who I was in motherhood….

I stepped back into the workplace, and everything shifted again.

Not in a bad way.

But in a confronting, identity-stretching, emotional way no one really talks about.

The Juggle, the Guilt, the Identity Shock

The first week back, I felt like I was living two separate lives.

At work, I was learning. Regaining my Confidence. Re-Training my thinking. Learning how to have proper adult conversations. At home, I was needed. Exhausted. Emotionally and at times mentally stretched.

And somehow, I was expected to switch between the two without a moment to process the change.

I wasn’t just adjusting to a new routine. I was adjusting to a new version of myself… again.

I didn’t know how to act. What to talk about. Or even who I was in that space.

I didn’t want to be the woman known as only a mum. I knew there was more to me than that. But the truth was, I didn’t really know who I was anymore other than a mum. Motherhood had consumed my whole identity for over a year.

It’s funny… at work I felt like an imposter, guilty in taking time for me and my career away from my son, but then there were times I felt relieved and happy to be at work but felt guilty in feeling that. At home, I felt like I was needed, no time to breathe just purely on survival mode, while also trying to learn and give my son the best version of me.

And when I was alone in my thoughts, the questions were loud.

Am I doing the right thing by working? Am I being selfish? I enjoy working… but is that bad? Does this mean I’m not a good mum because I don’t want to be with my son 24 hours a day?

The guilt surprised me.

Guilt for leaving. Guilt for enjoying work. Guilt for feeling like I could breathe there. Guilt for coming home exhausted with less patience than I wanted to have.

No one prepares you for the emotional whiplash of holding both roles at once.

I also started a new job. And without realising it, I was putting enormous pressure on myself to perform at the speed of the old me, the version of me who had more flexibility before becoming a mum.

But I’m not her anymore.

I learn differently now. I think differently now. I carry so much more in my head than I used to.

I had to give myself permission to slow down and relearn how I learn.

I now rely on a weekly diary to hold everything — my to-do lists, work focuses, home tasks, goals, reminders.

Not because I’m disorganised. But because my mind is full.

I need to physically write things down to clear my mind. My phone calendar and reminders just don’t work for me. I know I’m an old-school pen-and-paper type girl.

But seeing it all on paper has helped me breathe.

Sometimes it shows me what’s realistic. Sometimes it shows me what needs to be pushed to another day.

Either way, it stops everything living only in my head, for that day anyways.

The Strange In-Between: Mum vs Worker vs You

You don’t fully feel like your old work self. But you also don’t feel like you’re only “mum” anymore.

You sit in this strange in-between where you’re trying to remember:

Who am I when I’m not needed by everyone?

What do I sound like when I’m not speaking to a baby?

What pace do I move at when I’m not carrying snacks, nappies, and mental lists?

It’s disorienting.

Because honestly motherhood has changed us — and returning to work highlights just how much.

The Emotional Cost of Carrying Both Roles

There is an invisible load that comes with being a working mum that no one sees.

You’re never fully “off” in either place.

At work, you’re thinking: Did he nap? Did he eat? Is he okay?

At home, you’re thinking: Emails. Tasks. What’s tomorrow’s plan? I need to prep this and that for my son before I start work. Have I prepared enough in advance for home and work to lighten the load?

Your mind never gets to sit in one place for long. The constant switching is tiring in a way that sleep can’t fix.

I really enjoy my job but with that came guilt I wasn’t prepared for.

There were days I struggled with time management and daycare pickup. Days when work ran over. Things didn’t go to plan.

And I would sit in the car feeling like I was failing as a mum, some days I would cry on my way home as I felt I wasn’t doing enough.

My partner would text asking, “Are you picking up our son?” I know he didn’t mean anything by it. But in my head, I heard it differently — like I was being reminded not to forget, like I was already falling behind.

But the truth is, it was my own self-sabotage, my own expectations, my unwillingness to accept I need help sometimes because there will be days when I simply can’t make pick-up. In saying that, I also wanted my partner to understand, but I wasn’t communicating it.

It was an adjustment, learning how to manage home, work and my own aspirations.

I’m incredibly lucky to have a partner and a mother-in-law who step in when I need support when days change, when work runs late, when I can’t be in two places at once.

Accepting that help has been part of finding balance too. Because in the middle of all of this, I’ve realised something important.

I’m allowed to achieve things for myself. I’m allowed to switch off. I’m allowed to do things just for me.

I shouldn’t feel like I am solely here to please and cater to everyone else’s needs while ignoring my own.

That’s not living.

That’s co-existing.

The Unexpected Ways Work Grounded Me

Work didn’t pull me away from motherhood. It grounded me.

It reminded me that I am still capable outside of this home.

That my brain still works in ways that have nothing to do with nap schedules.

That I can problem-solve, create, lead, and think clearly.

And strangely… I became a mum who is more calm, happier and independent.

I wasn’t trying to find my entire identity inside the walls of my home anymore.

How I’m Finding Balance Now

Not perfectly. Sometimes unorganised. But it’s finding what works for that day or week.

I’ve stopped expecting myself to be the person society or my own thoughts expect me to be at work or home.

On childcare days, I breathe, I can hop on the app to get updates if I feel I need the reassurance.

The drive on the way to pickup, I am either having car karaoke or listening to a podcast, this is how I relax, it’s my time. A moment for just me before I switch roles again.

I set boundaries with myself:

Work stays at work. Mum stays at home.

And most importantly, I allow myself micro-rest.

Not big breaks. Just tiny pauses where I don’t have to be anything to anyone.

Those pauses are what keep me steady.

What Helped Me Adjust

Even now I’m still learning how to balance both roles. But a few small things have helped:

• Writing everything down in a weekly diary
• Accepting help instead of trying to do everything alone
• Letting go of the idea that I have to do both roles perfectly
• Allowing myself small moments to reset before switching roles

They haven’t solved everything, but they’ve helped me slowly find my rhythm again and breathe a little easier.

Growing in More Than One Direction

Returning to work didn’t take me backwards. It didn’t undo the growth of motherhood.

It simply stretched me in a new direction.

And maybe that’s the part we don’t hear enough: You’re allowed to grow in more than one direction at once.

You’re allowed to be a mum. A worker. And still be discovering who you are in the middle of both.

For a while I thought I had to figure out exactly who I was again. Mum or worker. Present at home or ambitious at work.

But maybe the truth is, it’s not about choosing one version of yourself.

Maybe it’s about slowly learning how all the different parts of you can exist at the same time.

I’m still figuring it out. Still learning. Still adapting.

Honestly, it’s becoming a journey of self-discovery and learning how to show myself a little grace along the way.