Her Honest Space

Why mums feel pressure to do it all — and how to gently let some of it go. An honest reflection on mental load, toddlerhood, and self-compassion.

It’s easy for us, as mums, to take on more than our share — especially when it comes to the mental load of motherhood.

Not just the physical tasks, but the constant thinking, remembering, anticipating. Somewhere along the way, many of us begin carrying not only our own needs, but the needs, feelings, schedules, and wellbeing of everyone around us.

It can feel like a gift and a curse at the same time.

We’re often praised for being capable, organised, nurturing — the ones who just know what needs to be done. But that quiet competence quickly turns into expectation. People come to rely on us to remember the birthdays, the appointments, the school notes, the family dynamics. To notice when someone is struggling. To celebrate the wins. To smooth over the hard moments.

Mums wear many hats, often all at once — sometimes as a comforter, a problem-solver, even a doctor — without the qualifications, and often without the recognition.

And while some of these roles are taken on with love, others are placed on us without asking.

We grow up absorbing these expectations watching women before us do it all, rarely complain, rarely rest.

Society quietly reinforces the idea that a “good mum” is selfless, endlessly capable, and always available.

So when we feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, or resentful, we don’t question the system — we question ourselves.

Why can’t I keep up?

Why does this feel so heavy?

Why am I struggling when everyone else seems to manage?

But the truth is, the pressure to do it all as a mum was never meant to be carried by one person.

The Pressure Is Loudest in the Toddler Years

Right now, I’m in the toddler stage — a season that is mentally and physically draining, marked by constant meltdowns, big emotions, and days that feel deeply consuming in ways I didn’t fully understand before I was in it.

It’s the constant watchfulness. The mental scanning. The never fully switching off. Even when the house is quiet, your mind isn’t. You’re thinking about snacks, naps, routines, development, emotions, safety — all while trying to keep everything else in life moving too.

Even with support around me, there are moments where it feels relentless — and I know many mums don’t have that support at all.

For single mums, or those carrying most of the load on their own, this pressure can feel even more suffocating. There’s often no one to tap out with. No built-in pause. No space to reset — because stepping away simply isn’t an option.

When you don’t have extra hands, doing it all doesn’t feel like a choice — it feels like survival.

And yet, the expectation remains the same.

To be patient. To be present. To keep everything moving. To hold yourself together while holding everyone else too.

While the toddler years intensify this pressure, they don’t create it — they simply bring it into sharp focus. As our children grow, the weight doesn’t disappear; it shifts. The constant physical demands may ease, but they’re replaced with emotional labour, scheduling, school expectations, and the responsibility of being the steady one everyone leans on.

Different stages. Same underlying expectation.

For many of us, the idea of “letting go” sounds good in theory but feels impossible in practice.

Letting Go Doesn’t Have to Look Big

When you’re in the thick of motherhood, letting go can feel unrealistic. There’s already so little space. So little energy. So little margin.

For many overwhelmed mums — especially those doing this alone — letting go isn’t about carving out time or adding rituals. It’s about softening the mental grip on things that are quietly draining you.

Sometimes, letting go looks like this:

Letting go of doing it all perfectly. Some days, the house stays messy. Meals are simple. Screen time runs longer than planned. This isn’t failure — it’s responding honestly to your capacity.

Letting go of being everything to everyone. You don’t have to be endlessly patient, emotionally available, productive, and positive every single day. You’re allowed to have edges. You’re allowed to be tired.

Letting go of the guilt attached to rest. Rest doesn’t have to look peaceful or aesthetic. Sometimes it’s sitting down instead of pushing through. Choosing the easier option. Not correcting every small thing.

Letting go of the idea that support has to look a certain way. Support isn’t always another adult stepping in. Sometimes it’s simplifying routines. Sometimes it’s systems that work for you. Sometimes it’s allowing “good enough” to be enough for now.

And maybe most importantly —

Letting go of the belief that struggling means you’re not coping. This stage of motherhood is demanding. It’s meant to feel hard. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong — it means you’re doing something that requires more than one person, more than endless energy, more than perfection.

Letting go, in this season, isn’t about caring less. It’s about protecting yourself enough to keep going — gently.

Journal Prompts: A Moment to Pause

If you have a quiet moment — or even just a few thoughts before sleep — these prompts are here to gently support you. There’s no right way to answer them. Even noticing the questions is enough.

• What am I carrying right now that feels heavier than it needs to be?
• Which expectations (mine or others’) am I holding onto out of habit, not necessity?
• What could “good enough” look like for me in this time of motherhood?
• Where might I offer myself a little more compassion this week?

You don’t need clarity. You don’t need to answer all of these. Even one thought is enough. You don’t need solutions. This is simply space to breathe.

A Gentler Way Forward

If you’re in a season where simply getting through the day takes everything you have, I want you to know this:

It’s okay to pause and cancel plans. It’s okay if screen time runs a little longer, giving you the space you need to re-centre yourself. It’s okay to stop comparing and feeling like you’re not doing enough — because you are.

Some of the days children cherish most are the quiet ones spent at home, doing simple things together. We don’t need to be perfect mums. We just need to be ourselves — because when we show up with honesty and gentleness, we give our children permission to do the same.

And if no one has told you lately: you are doing something deeply demanding, often with very little space to breathe. That matters more than any checklist ever could.