Her Honest Space

Many mums feel guilty asking for help. Here’s why it happens, how to ease into accepting support, and gentle ways to lighten the mental load without shame.

We weren’t meant to do motherhood alone — but somewhere along the way, many of us started believing we should.

And that belief, more than the actual load itself, is what makes asking for help feel so heavy.

If the invisible load showed us the weight we carry…this is the part where we look at why it’s so hard to release even a small piece of it.

You’re not imagining it. The guilt is real — but it didn’t start with you.

Why We Feel Guilty Asking for Help

1. We grew up watching women do it Most of us were raised seeing mums quietly carry the household — managing emotions, schedules, meals, decisions, everything.
   So when we ask for help now, it can feel like we’re stepping outside the role we were taught.
2. We don’t want to be a burden.
   Even when our partner wants to help, we often fear adding to someone else’s load.
   We think:
   “They’ve had a long day too.”
   “I shouldn’t need help.”
   “I should be able to manage this.”
   
   But should you… or do you just feel expected to?
3. We judge ourselves before anyone else can.
   There’s a voice many mums know too well:
   “If I can’t keep up, what does that say about me?”
   This internal pressure keeps us silent even when we’re overwhelmed.
4. We’re scared of being misunderstood.
   It can feel easier to stay quiet than to explain the mental load behind the request.
   The fear is:
   What if they don’t get it? What if it starts a fight? What if it seems dramatic?
5. We tie our worth to how much we can carry.
   Somewhere between motherhood and survival mode, many of us learned that “good mums” are the ones who keep everything running — without slowing down, without complaining, without asking.
   
   No wonder help feels like failure.

Why Asking for Help Feels So Vulnerable

Because asking for help isn’t just practical — it’s emotional.

It requires:

• admitting we’ve reached our limit
• trusting someone will show up
• acknowledging we can’t do it all
• letting go of control
• allowing ourselves to be supported

These things sound simple on paper, but they require unlearning years of expectations.

How to Ease Into Accepting Help (Without Feeling Overwhelmed)

1. Start with small, low-stakes support
This might look like:

• partner doing bath time
• someone else prepping lunch
• packing the daycare bag the night before
• asking for 20 minutes alone while your partner handles bedtime

Small steps rebuild trust.

2. Use clear, honest language

Instead of softening your needs, try:

“I’m at capacity — can you take this?” It’s clear, calm and guilt-free.

3. Let people “own” tasks — don’t micromanage

If your partner is doing daycare drop-off, let them own it. If they’re handling laundry, let them choose how.

Ownership reduces your mental tabs.

4. Notice the guilt, but don’t let it make decisions

You can feel guilty and still ask. You can feel uncomfortable and still deserve support.

Guilt is a feeling — not a truth.

5. Share how you feel before you reach breaking point

Saying something early like:

“I’m getting overwhelmed — can we adjust things?” is so much healthier than waiting until you snap.

6. Let support be part of how you take care of yourself

Every time you say yes to help, you’re saying yes to:

• your wellbeing
• your identity
• your mental space
• your ability to show up as your best self

That isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

A Real Moment from Our Home

For us, easing into help started with a simple shift.

My partner began taking our son to childcare in the mornings, and I started packing his backpack the night before instead of rushing through it during the morning chaos.

We also have our own little routine that’s carried through from the newborn days until now — bath time or shower time is daddy-and-son time. During those few minutes, I get a moment to tidy his toys or wipe down the highchair before it’s my turn to dry and change him.

It didn’t fix everything — but it softened the overwhelm.

One task off my plate made room for me to breathe again.

Sometimes it’s the smallest changes that make the biggest difference.

You’re Not Meant to Do It Alone

You can’t pour from an empty cup — and you were never meant to.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s how you stay grounded enough to care for the people you love. When you feel yourself struggling or the overwhelm starts creeping in, talk it out. Sit together and discuss how you, as a family, can manage the load and support each other through the heavy seasons.

Let’s Talk About It

Do you struggle to ask for help?

What part feels hardest — the guilt, the fear, the control, or the expectations?

Your story might be the one another mum needs to read today.

And if this resonated with you, follow along for more gentle, honest motherhood reflections.