The things we carry as mums run deeper than the daily tasks. If you’re feeling stretched thin, here’s why it happens, how it quietly builds, and gentle ways to ease the weight without guilt.
The weight isn’t heavy because it’s big — it’s heavy because it never stops. And mums often carry it quietly, until that quiet turns into exhaustion.
For me, it wasn’t something I noticed all at once. It clicked one day while I was reading a post by another mum, Dr Camille — her words naming the constant mental tabs we hold made something in me pause. It felt like someone finally held up a mirror to a weight I’d been carrying without even realising it.
Motherhood comes with a kind of weight no one can measure. Not in tasks, not in hours — but in the endless hum of thinking, remembering, planning, worrying, holding. You don’t always realise how much you’re carrying… until suddenly, you do.
The Everyday Things We Hold
It’s not dramatic. It’s not loud.
It’s the everyday mental tabs mums quietly keep open:
- Remembering appointments, birthdays, daycare changes, groceries, snacks, spare clothes.
- Anticipating needs before they’re even voiced — “Did everyone eat? Did I pack everything? Will this meltdown happen? Should I bring a backup plan?”
- Managing the emotional temperature of the home — keeping things flowing, keeping people fed, keeping peace where you can.
- Carrying the unspoken expectation that everything runs smoothly because you make it smooth.
It’s the constant feeling of being “on” — even when you’re supposed to be resting.
Why Mums Carry It by Default
So many of us didn’t consciously choose this role — it was handed to us before we even knew it had a name.
- Social conditioning: We grew up watching women quietly juggle it all, so we think this is just what mums do.
- “It’s easier if I just do it”: Because explaining the steps feels like more work than doing the steps.
- Fear of judgment: Worried about seeming disorganised, emotional, overwhelmed, or not coping… even though everyone feels those things.
- Wanting harmony: Sometimes we take on more than we should because it avoids conflict, questions, or guilt.
And so the invisible work becomes our normal — until it starts taking more than it gives.
How This Weight Slowly Fills Your Mind
It doesn’t show up all at once. It creeps in quietly.
- Decision fatigue: When even choosing dinner feels like too much.
- Resentment: Tiny, unnoticed moments where you think, Why am I the only one keeping track of this?
- Burnout signs: Snapping quicker, crying easier, feeling numb or overwhelmed at small things.
- Mental clutter: So much running through your head that there’s no space left for who you are.
And, slowly, you stop making room for yourself — because your brain is already full.
The Moment I Knew Something Had to Change
For me, it wasn’t one big moment — it was everything piling up at once.
The house was a mess, my son was melting down over the smallest things, the laundry was overflowing, and I was trying to balance work and mum life. On top of that, we were leaving for a short trip the next day, and I still had to pack, double-check everything, and make sure nothing was forgotten.
Inside, I was screaming. Outside, I was snapping at every little thing — not because I wanted to, but because it all landed at the same time.
When my partner asked what was going on, with a side comment like, “I told you to start packing earlier,” I froze. He wasn’t wrong, but every explanation felt like an excuse. In my head, I was already failing. I didn’t want to admit how overwhelmed I was… and I didn’t think he would fully understand..
That was the moment I realised: I wasn’t tired from doing too much. I was tired from holding too much.
It was the closest I’d come to dropping the weight — and the moment that finally made me see it clearly. Not a breakdown, but a wake-up call. Something had to change. I couldn’t keep absorbing everything by default.
Sharing the weight wasn’t optional anymore; it was necessary.
Learning to Ask for Help Without Shame
For me, learning to share the weight started with small, honest steps — not handing over everything, but loosening my grip on the things I’d been carrying by default.
- Letting one task go
For us, it started with my partner taking our son to childcare in the mornings, and me packing his backpack the night before instead of scrambling to do everything in the morning. It sounds small, but that tiny change softened the mental chaos that usually hit before 9am. - Saying what I actually needed
Instead of softening the truth or pretending I was fine, I started saying, “I’m overwhelmed today. Can you take this one?”
It felt uncomfortable at first, but it was honest, and honesty is what changed the tone between us. - Dropping the guilt
This was the hardest part. For so long, I tied my worth to how much I could manage on my own. Letting go felt like failing… until I realised it was actually an act of self-respect. - Communicating before breaking point
I learned to speak up earlier — before I reached snapping, crying, or shutting down. Sharing the load works best when it’s proactive, not reactive. - Making space for myself again
Even tiny rituals — a moment to write, a slower bedtime routine, stepping outside for air — reminded me that I’m a person, not just the manager of everyone else’s needs.
Sharing the load didn’t magically fix everything.
But it gave me room to breathe — and room to be me again.
You Deserve to Be Supported
The weight you’re carrying isn’t a reflection of weakness — it’s a reflection of how much you’ve been holding together for so long.
Your exhaustion isn’t a flaw — it’s information.
A quiet signal that you’re doing too much with too little support.
Learning to share the weight isn’t just about dividing tasks. It’s about unlearning old expectations, asking for support without guilt, and giving yourself permission to take up space again.
Your mental and emotional wellbeing matter just as much as everyone else’s.
You deserve ease. You deserve partnership. You deserve to breathe.
And if this post has shown you anything, I hope it’s this:
Your limits aren’t failures — they’re signposts pointing you toward the support you deserve
You deserve ease. You deserve partnership. You deserve to breathe.
Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever felt the weight piling up?
Which part feels heaviest for you right now?
Share your thoughts in the comments — your words might be exactly what another mum needs today. And if this resonated with you, follow along for more gentle, honest motherhood reflections.
Before you go, I’ve also created a gentle, practical ‘A Gentle Checklist for Heavy Days,’ you can download and keep on hand for the days when everything feels a little too heavy.
It’s a simple guide to help you slow down, recognise your signals, and take small steps toward sharing the mental and emotional weight.
Pop it on your fridge, keep it in your planner, or save it to your phone — a soft reminder that you don’t have to carry everything alone.
Her Honest Space 
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